illbeokay

WARNING second image contains icky and unflattering content. If you're under the impression that I'm not fat or you get ill easily I'd suggest scrolling past this. I'm finally home and healing but I still have a long way to go. The love and support I've had from my wonderful family and friends has been absolutely INCREDIBLE. I could never ever imagine that so many people were sending love and good thoughts that helped me amazing amounts. I had my wonderful family and my partner by my side from start to finish and I couldn't be more thankful for everything that they've done and continue to do 💙💙💙 I'm still very bruised and tender but it only gets better from here #endometriosis #familysupport #illbeokay

Missing the past 😞 #illbeokay

In the crazy whirlwind of my mind all I can do is cry. I can't physically cry though, I am in a place of numbness. I want to express and feel properly. I am scared of what is happening to me. The more I open the more I find nothing. I'm not sure if I'm not finding nothing but that's what it feels like. I am trying to figure things out but I don't know what I'm looking for. It feels like my efforts are futile. I am constantly over thinking things. I feel like I'm getting more and more paranoid. Every little thing I do, makes my mind race and race. I want to know what I'm feeling, the uncertainty is driving me crazy. I need to talk about it but I don't want to scare or drive away the people around me. They constantly tell me they won't but how can I be sure? How do I know they won't leave me? How can I live without them? These people who I don't want to hurt, who I want in my life forever. Who I try and better myself for. I try every day to be better but my mind is a labyrinth of my own making. I want to break apart and put the pieces back together but that would hurt the people around me. I want to isolate myself but I want to be around people. I want to cuddle and kiss and love on these people I care so much about but that's not okay... I can't so that makes it so much worse. I crave physicality but I can't have it. I can't handle this. Sometimes I hate the societal constructs that here. I want to be able to do these things with these people I love so much..

Dont loose ur self ,dont give up ,always look up ,always see the future not the past. forgiveness is the key to happiness so forgive and let go of the negativity in ur life becouse it will consume you as a whole and destroy you #life #deppression #illbeokay #sos #help #heartbroken #imsorry #ididntwanttoleave #you_never_walk_alone #dontcut #smile #lough #enjoy

Dear Alex: stop messing in my fucking dreaaaams!!! Seriously man?! Five days long?! Shit, I've been obsessed with bands before and all but damn it, not that crazy haha being honest Alex Kapranos is not like the most atractive man in the world buuuuut he IS the most sweet and kind and everything (okay maybe one of them just bc no one compares with my Martini Gore, anyway I won't involve him here or I'll get in trouble) but I love him for that, for the person he is. And from all the weird dreams where this man appeared (sorry guys, it only were normal stuff) my favourite is where I went to a Franz Ferdinand concert 😭😭 they sang Jaqueline and Tell Her Tonight (and yes there was Nick 💔), basically one of the best nights of my life though it wasn't real, also bc I was in Wales (as the caterpillar in that Dr. Strange comic {Master of Mystic Arts # 2} said: unreality ain't too bad). I tagged myself instead writing a "me" and screw up the pic. • #AlexKapranos #FranzFerdinand #TheKarelia #Imseeingapsychologist #dontworry #mentalsickness #illbeokay

Full day in the salon after vacation = I need a full body massage and a large, cold beer. #winewilldotoo #myfeethurt #illbeokay

Happy birthday to ME!! I’m going to make this as quick and as painless as I can. Tyler and I are no longer together. We have been struggling as a couple for awhile now. High highs and low lows. It’s been a difficult road but it all happened for the best. I have no harsh feelings towards him. This is just life. So! I’m waking up single today, and using my birthday today as a reminder that life does go on and can get better. Cheers to new beginnings! Love you all💕 #workingonme #mylifeaintperfect #imcrazybutwhatever #itsmybirthday #newbeginnings #single #illbeokay #lovestillwins #goingtolovemyself

One of the crappiest things about a thyroid condition is the fact you can lose some eye lashes with no warning👀 😔 it really suck. I try so hard not to touch my eyes so I don't lose them. But my eyes itched a lot yesterday an I had to rub them. I lots so many eye lash from doing that. I started to cry. My mama made me feel better though. Some things with my condition are a sadness an struggle to take in. I just wish something's didn't happen to me. But they will grow back in. And with a lil help from petroleum jelly they will grow in fast. It just makes me sad It happens. #thyroidLife #lifestruggles #sadness #illbeokay

You’re a warrior...warriors don’t give up, they don’t back down, pick up your sword and shield and fight...I’ve just driven around for a few hours to process this information and I have a choice to make...let my pain control me or say...(excuse my language)...FUCK THE PAIN... I’ve been through a lot of shit in my life and this won’t stop me... #warrior #strongfuckingwoman #fuckthepain #iwillprevail #woman #womanpower #beauty #loveyourself #boneinfarcts #illbeokay #ownit #sexy #sexywoman #designer #strongmind

It’s one of those days. 😞 I’m not sure if I’ll post anymore today. Have a wonderful day. #baddayswillpass #illbeokay #seeya

The clouds this morning are so beautiful, no retouch of colour here. They are like my soul right now, I am on the way to my doctor for my ACL but the most concerning thing that has me intensely nervous this morning is the Bone Infarct they noticed in the MRI starting in my proximal tibia due to this injury...look that up....you can imagine how terrified I am...I am actually shaking right now. I haven’t thought of this in a few months as I couldn’t handle the thought of it...seeing the doctor seems to be bringing this back in a full frontal...Ok fingers crossed that we get another MRI and it has somehow disappeared... #afraid #nervous #shaking #illbeokay #acltear #boneinfarcts #injury #frightened #me #loveyourself #beauty #eek